25th Birthday Trip To Bruges

For my 25th Birthday (6th April 2018), my best friend Hannah and I went to Bruges in Belgium to celebrate. Last year, we went to Paris. This might just be an annual thing!

Bruges is a beautiful city. It’s exactly what I look for in a holiday. The peaceful, cobbled streets surrounded by medieval buildings and dreamy canals; it is certainly like a fairy tale town as people often describe it.

We stayed for three nights in a beautiful hotel (pictured below).

Even though the weather there is very much like England, it’s what I love. I don’t need sunshine and beaches. Give me a quiet city with glorious views and I will be happy.

I’m Exactly Where I’m Supposed To Be 

This post is part 2 of my ‘This is Me’ piece. I did another shoot recently and the pictures are below. Again, they reflect my personality.

Looking through them, I’ve realised how far I have actually come. I’m not perfect but only a few years ago, I would have laughed in your face if someone told me I’d be able to put myself out there without feeling scared – and only a few months ago, I didn’t think I’d be at peace with myself.

Of course there are down days but I realised I can now feel pain, feel sad and sit with it, rather than harm myself in some way. Before, I’d be a self destructive mess and ruined close relationships and friendships. I have learnt a lot and can actually control strong emotions now. I cry and let it out but then move on, whereas before, a strong emotion would automatically turn into “I’ll kill myself.” – Not the pleasantest.

If you didn’t know, title of this post is from a song by Demi Lovato (from the Camp Rock film) called ‘This is Me’ – now you know where part 1’s title comes from. It is very cringeworthy and cliched but that song really describes me. Because this is me.

Edit: Sometimes people say to me that I only care about myself and that “you’re  so full of yourself.”

No, the thing is, I had a lot of insecurites and a low self esteem for many years; I spent years in and out of hospital, I was bullied all my life and I worked extremely hard to overcome feeling ugly, feeling fat and worthless and now I think I am amazing and for once, I will think of myself and put myself first. I won’t be used anymore. I dont care if you think otherwise. To get to this point is an achievement. Being full of oneself isn’t a bad thing. You don’t know how hard it is for someone to finally be confident in themselves. I’ve always cared about people more than they cared about me, well now I’m going think about myself for once.

This is me

These are some photos of myself, reflecting that life can be amazing and peaceful. I have always described myself as horrible, fat and disgusting. But people describe me as gentle, funny, strong and endearing and maybe I am. Maybe I need to believe that. Photography can tell a story, and these photos reflect what I really am and what I’ve been through.

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Photo credit: Larisa Dizdar