Why You Shouldn’t Give Up on Someone With Mental Health Problems

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If you are a friend or a loved one of someone with a mental health condition, you would know that it is not easy. You may have tried many times to help them but you seem to be failing each time. As worried as you are for them, you feel frustrated and hopeless. You may feel you cannot deal with them. So you give up and attempt to cut all ties and leave them. If you are friend or a loved one with a mental health condition reading this now, please do not give up on them.

People who have a condition such as Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) will most certainly have issues maintaining relationships which can make it hard to stay with them at times. Though not their intention of trying to make your life hard with the threats and rage – it is actually a cry for help.

Please bear in mind that this person did not choose to have a mental illness. It is not their fault, nor your fault. However hard it is to deal with this person, if you care enough for them, you should be there for them, no matter what. Leaving them is their biggest fear. In fact, the things they may do is their way of holding on to you because of the fear of losing you. They don’t know how to express this, so it often comes out in anger and rage. This often goes back to the sufferers past where they experienced this before or may have always been very alone, and because suddenly someone finally comes into their life and actually cares, it feels like a determination to make sure they never leave so they don’t feel like they did before.

This is coming from a person who suffers with various disorders including BPD. Love and care has been something I have always looked for but rarely found and if I did, it would not last for long. Constantly being disappointed by people leaving because my condition is hard to deal with. To me, the sufferer, it feels like people use me and then leave me like I mean nothing to them. It feels like the only person who you thought you could trust, who you love, who you care for, hates you. Giving up on this person can ultimately make them give up on themselves. Bearing in mind, they are already feeling low. By giving up, you may have just pushed them over the edge, as guilt-ridden as that sounds. This person does not need that along with what they are already feeling and you don’t need that on your conscience.

If you are a friend or loved one of someone with mental illness and finding it hard to cope with their problems, before even thinking of giving up on them, calmly talk to them. Get them to seek help. Listen to them. Try not to be divisive or judgmental and most certainly, be weary of blaming them. They already feel like they are to blame. Find another way to help them if what you tried is not working. Sometimes, the sufferer just wants to be heard or even just wants a simple hug. I can tell you that a person who has been deprived of love and finally gets the attention they so desperately need – it is a powerful feeling.

If all else fails and you just don’t understand how else you can help them, please go to therapy with them. Family therapy may help. Couples therapy may help. There are also carers groups where you can meet other carers in the same situation so you don’t feel alone. There is so much out there to help you both.

Whatever you decide to do, please hold on to them. There is hope.

This post was published in The Huffington Post.

Little Black Dress: Dream Date Style Challenge

The lovely people from Daily Look contacted me asking me if I would like to put together an outfit using one of their little black dresses for a perfect date outfit – which sounded like a great idea for a fashion post, as I haven’t put an outfit together for a while and Valentines Day is coming up – so definitely a great time for some inspiration!
I chose this maxi dress because it is exactly what I would personally wear on a date. A plain long black dress can look rather elegant if you pair it with the right accessories. You can dress it up or down – either way. With this look, I decided to go for the more traditional romantic colour for the accessories, which is red. Black and red go really well together and perfect for a date night.
A stylish red shawl, blazer or bolero would look stunning with an LBD. As this dress is sleeveless, for me personally, I would like some coverage over the shoulders.
Because I have paired a red bolero on the top, I thought the outfit would look great if the top and bottom matched, so a rather lovely pair of classy red heels works well.
I could have went for a red clutch bag, but for some reason, the outfit felt too red for me. I wanted the bag to match the dress, instead of every single accessory being red. I think a simple black clutch works well with a black dress.
With this outfit, the red bolero would be a statement piece as well as the length of the dress – so I decided not to add too much jewellery. A simple red stone necklace and earring set from Claire’s just makes this look elegant and charming.
To complete the look, a dark red lipstick.

4 Important Things 2014 Has Taught Me

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As 2014 is nearly over and a new year is upon us, I thought it would be really nice to reflect back on the things I personally learned in 2014.

If you don’t ask, you don’t get

Honestly, you cannot even imagine how many opportunities have arisen for me because of simply just opening my mouth and asking. This year, I did not wait for things to happen to me, I chased them. Of course I feared rejection, but you need rejection to happen in order for you to grow. Do not wait for things to happen, go out there and make them happen. Be proactive. You never know what is round the corner.

Everything is actually going to be alright

We all have hardships in our lives and this year has taught me that, even if you are going through a tough time, it won’t be forever. I used to be so negative and thought I will always be in those dark days forever, but it doesn’t have to be. I appreciate the little things in my life. Everything is going be alright.

Taking ‘selfies’ is not narcissistic

For years, I hated the way I looked and was ashamed to be in photos but selfies became a ‘thing’ in 2014 and I relished that. It actually taught me to be happy with the way I look. I don’t need cosmetic surgery after all. My face is fine. Why has society taught us to hate the way we look?

Just say yes

I used to be afraid of saying yes to things because I feared it. I realised that if you don’t try something, you will never know what it will be like. You might surprise yourself. Say yes to more opportunities (sensible ones of course), even if you are weary about it. Try it and if you don’t like it – you don’t have to do it again.

Happy New Year!!

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