This post is part 2 of my ‘This is Me’ piece. I did another shoot recently and the pictures are below. Again, they reflect my personality.
Looking through them, I’ve realised how far I have actually come. I’m not perfect but only a few years ago, I would have laughed in your face if someone told me I’d be able to put myself out there without feeling scared – and only a few months ago, I didn’t think I’d be at peace with myself.
Of course there are down days but I realised I can now feel pain, feel sad and sit with it, rather than harm myself in some way. Before, I’d be a self destructive mess and ruined close relationships and friendships. I have learnt a lot and can actually control strong emotions now. I cry and let it out but then move on, whereas before, a strong emotion would automatically turn into “I’ll kill myself.” – Not the pleasantest.
If you didn’t know, title of this post is from a song by Demi Lovato (from the Camp Rock film) called ‘This is Me’ – now you know where part 1’s title comes from. It is very cringeworthy and cliched but that song really describes me. Because this is me.
Edit: Sometimes people say to me that I only care about myself and that “you’re so full of yourself.”
No, the thing is, I had a lot of insecurites and a low self esteem for many years; I spent years in and out of hospital, I was bullied all my life and I worked extremely hard to overcome feeling ugly, feeling fat and worthless and now I think I am amazing and for once, I will think of myself and put myself first. I won’t be used anymore. I dont care if you think otherwise. To get to this point is an achievement. Being full of oneself isn’t a bad thing. You don’t know how hard it is for someone to finally be confident in themselves. I’ve always cared about people more than they cared about me, well now I’m going think about myself for once.