I’m Exactly Where I’m Supposed To Be 

This post is part 2 of my ‘This is Me’ piece. I did another shoot recently and the pictures are below. Again, they reflect my personality.

Looking through them, I’ve realised how far I have actually come. I’m not perfect but only a few years ago, I would have laughed in your face if someone told me I’d be able to put myself out there without feeling scared – and only a few months ago, I didn’t think I’d be at peace with myself.

Of course there are down days but I realised I can now feel pain, feel sad and sit with it, rather than harm myself in some way. Before, I’d be a self destructive mess and ruined close relationships and friendships. I have learnt a lot and can actually control strong emotions now. I cry and let it out but then move on, whereas before, a strong emotion would automatically turn into “I’ll kill myself.” – Not the pleasantest.

If you didn’t know, title of this post is from a song by Demi Lovato (from the Camp Rock film) called ‘This is Me’ – now you know where part 1’s title comes from. It is very cringeworthy and cliched but that song really describes me. Because this is me.

Edit: Sometimes people say to me that I only care about myself and that “you’re  so full of yourself.”

No, the thing is, I had a lot of insecurites and a low self esteem for many years; I spent years in and out of hospital, I was bullied all my life and I worked extremely hard to overcome feeling ugly, feeling fat and worthless and now I think I am amazing and for once, I will think of myself and put myself first. I won’t be used anymore. I dont care if you think otherwise. To get to this point is an achievement. Being full of oneself isn’t a bad thing. You don’t know how hard it is for someone to finally be confident in themselves. I’ve always cared about people more than they cared about me, well now I’m going think about myself for once.

64 thoughts on “I’m Exactly Where I’m Supposed To Be 

  1. Charl says:

    Oh hi Habiba. I have severe anxiety and get frightened over the silliest things like paying at in a shop. Small interactions freak me out and it always ruins opportunities for me. Please send me some advice?

  2. Anonymous says:

    Please will you talk more about your anorexia. You’re so thin and you’ve been going to the gym a lot again. Please address this. I’m glad you’re more happier in yourself, but I’m worried you’re harming your body by losing more weight 😦 xx

  3. 🍌 says:

    I’m so proud of you and your recovery journey. It’s lovely to see young women move forward and becoming a success and strong in the process. You have so much to look forward to and I can see you are determined to reach your goals. My deepest blessings for you and may God touch your life and fill it with so much Joy you would be amazed xxxxxx

  4. Brit says:

    I’ve been following your journey since 2010 from tumblr and twitter. You are a huge inspiration for me. I honestly would love to be as successful as you are! I know it hasn’t been easy for you but you’ve showed people that life doesn’t have to knock you down. You can still reach for your dreams despite bad times. You are a wonderful person. Congrats xxx

  5. Ichoosetobeanonymous says:

    Habiba, im 14 and I see therapist for anxiety, self harm and depression with CAMHS, and I have to keep it a secret from my friends. I rush after school for therapy with my mum, praying I dont see anyone from school near the area. I feel sad and I know no reason to feel ashamed about dealing with mental health issues. In fact, we should be proud that we are tackling them and trying to become happier but my friends don’t get it. They think it’s weakness. I want to tell them but I’m scared they think I’m a freak and won’t want to be friends with me. Please help. You’re such a beautiful person and I look up to you so much. You’re so brave and perfect x

    • Habiba Khanom says:

      Hello! If your friends think it’s weak to suffer from mental health problems, then they’re not true friends. You shouldn’t hide it. Tell them and you may be surprised by their reaction. They may be supportive. If they’re not, they’re not your real friends. I think you just need to educate them on it. It’s all about breaking the stigma. X

  6. Katya Freya says:

    Very inspirational piece Habiba. I’ve had anxiety and panic attacks in the past and would let it take over me to the point of suicide.

    I’m in a much better position now. The steps to get me there were certainly talking about it, taking time to myself to just ‘be’ and simply just being more open to things.

    You’re a fantastic women with so much going for you. I’m so happy you decided to live.

    K x

    Sending much love and support to you xx

  7. Hannah says:

    Habiba, I really appreciate you sharing your story and the gorgeous photos.

    I have suffered from anxiety, depression and bulimia and know how hard it can be, but like you, I can now feel that slowly, it’s getting under control. I have been on medication for about 10 years and thank goodness for that! Are you on medication?

    I still struggle though and like you said, there are always bad days. We should allow ourselves to feel pain and not think it’s the end of the world. It is so great to hear stories for others, like yourself to remind me that I am not alone in this and things can only better. Thank you! Xoxo 😘

  8. Ann says:

    Dear Habiba,

    thank you for sharing your photos and story behind it. I also suffer from depression and I think back to times in my life when my the illness took over and how different they could’ve been. Times when things should’ve been happy and carefree but to me they felt heavy and stressful. And how sad it feels to have been the “psycho” Because that’s not me or you. We are not our illnesses. And you’re the definition that we can all come out and be free of it. It may never go away but controlling the emotions like you mentioned, is a big step to defeating this horrible illness. You make me happy and inspire others. Well done my love xxx

  9. Jamie Jack says:

    Habiba, you’re a beautiful person, inside and out. Don’t ever forget that. It makes me so happy that you’re now at peace with yourself. It’s so wonderful to hear and gives others with mental health problems hope that things can get better.

    You deserve an award

  10. Hayley says:

    Gosh how amazing is your story? I honestly think you’re such a wonderful human being. I wish you were my friend. You’re such a gentle soul x

  11. Bex says:

    Hi Habiba – Thank you so much for having the courage to share your story and pictures. I suffered with anxiety and mental health problems for a long time before I finally made myself do something about it. I know how hard it can be and to come out on He side is such a huge thing! I’m so glad to hear that you’re finally at peace with yourself. You are an inspirational and you should be very proud of yourself.
    Love Becky xx

  12. Anonymous says:

    It takes a lot of bravery to be so open about this – thanks so much for sharing your story! You’re absolutely wonderful Habiba! Gorgeous pictures xxxx

  13. Katie says:

    Hi Habiba, pleasssse could you write a blog post on CBT and your experience? I’ve just been referred for CBT for my social anxiety and I’d really like to read your experience.

    Love this post. You’re such a strong and brave lady xx

  14. Airtghost says:

    Wow you’re so beautiful. Your story makes me sad but so happy that you’ve conquered your fears. A true inspiration x

Leave a Comment

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s