For those who are recovering from eating disorders especially Anorexia, tend to think that weight is their main priority and what recovery is all about. You obsess about how many calories you should be eating, how much you should increase, what time your snack is etc… That is still obsessing over your weight and to be honest, that is not recovery at all. You still have that eating disordered mindset. Sometimes, your treatment team do not make it any easier either because the focus is all on weight gain.
Recovery is a lot more than your body and food. Weighing yourself in recovery and thinking about how much you have eaten could trigger you and you could fall into the same cycle all over again.
However, as part of your treatment, they will have to weigh you. At the end of the day, that is their job. Seeing your weight yourself could trigger you again and thoughts of losing weight will come back to haunt you so this is where ‘blind weigh-ins’ come in. Blind weigh-ins is being weighed backwards so you do not get to see your weight which could then lower your anxiety and take the focus off of the number. If you are a person who is easily triggered by your weight, then it could be helpful to ask to be weighed backwards.
Think of recovery as a new life. It is about enjoying the little things. It is about going out and buying that amazing dress you saw. It is about watching your favourite TV show or movie and enjoying it. It is about going out with your friends, reading books and being with your family. It is about enjoying yourself and being good to yourself. It is about your dreams, your passions, your future.
Recovery is realising that there is so much more than the calories in your food or how much exercise you have done. It is so much more than what size you are. It is so much more than the number on the scale. You are not a size. You are not a number. You are a person who deserves happiness and a successful life.
It seems quite rich coming from me, however, even though I may still be struggling, there is still a glimmer of hope and excitement for me and that is down to my future goals and dreams.
Of course your body is a big part of recovery, however, use your body in a healthy non-destructive way. Do not use it to measure your self worth. Use recovery as an excuse to nourish your body. Pamper yourself. Get your hair and make-up done. Get a massage. Treat yourself. By doing that, you will be slapping your eating disorder in the face by saying ‘You are not going to ruin my life anymore!’
Making recovery just about your body and weight can send your thoughts back into that obsession of ‘thin’. You will not be recovering and instead you will be shattering all your hopes and dreams and by doing that, do double think about your future, because for me, my future is what is keeping me alive, quite literally.